How to build relationships so that the children that appear do not destroy them?

– How to treat children so that the relationship between parents does not suffer.

Parental responsibilities, as a new element in the family system, which appeared later, should be subordinate to marital, be, so to speak, derived from them. That is, love for a child in a healthy relationship goes through love for a partner and

In our country, the situation is quite common when the wife, after the birth of the child, completely concentrates on him, while the man who is also trying to intervene in the upbringing process is often told that he is doing something wrong.

– What causes the mother’s misbehavior.

So, a new joint “we” arises for a mother and child, and dad (he was once a beloved person), feeling his own uselessness, often goes into all serious trouble. The indignant wife raises a fuss, forgetting that she was the first to change priorities, putting the child in the first place and thus ousting her husband from the marital space.

By the way, this often happens in the literal sense – the small one moves to the matrimonial bed, because it is more convenient, and often stays there instead of dad.

The child, having gone beyond the age of a baby, in such a situation begins to realize himself, regardless of gender, as a “functional” husband, which is also manifested in a dismissive attitude towards his mother’s real husband, his father.

What is the child suffering from?

At the same time, a child who, due to his age, is unprepared for a role unusual for him and, is disoriented, he is under an unnecessary burden of responsibility like “I’m now for dad.”

Everyone comes to their senses when finally the “extra” dad, who is actually a “retired” husband, announces that he is leaving the family.

– How best to treat the child.

The most acceptable disposition is when mother and father tell their children: if you grow up, you will be beautiful, like mom, or strong, like dad. That is, they put themselves as spouses in the first place, and they love children as an extension of each other.

This is how mutual respect is maintained. The child does not get involved in adult life, but feels the strong support of loving parents behind him.

Parents need to remember that children should not influence their marital relationship!

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